Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
