If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
