that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
