Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
