all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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