I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
