i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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