Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
