i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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