Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He passed out mid-signature
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
