he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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