I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
