Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
