Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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