Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
