So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
