if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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