i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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