Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
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When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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