even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
