i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
