I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
