im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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