8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize