he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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