Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
