I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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