I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
