I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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