I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Two words: blizzard sex
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
