I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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