So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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