Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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