did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
