Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
