She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
That accounts for only three of the penises
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
