if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
