I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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