True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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