I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
