Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
