I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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