so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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