i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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