well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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