gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
