he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
