listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
COCAINE IS GR8
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
