and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
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he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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