I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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