I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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