My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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