I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
