just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?