NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.