plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes