just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
