My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
