First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
